Intergenerational trauma vietnamese how to#
Intergenerational trauma vietnamese plus#

The kids who grow up in that environment are the real victims, not the adult abusers who have all the power to fix themselves and their lives or at the very least not take it out on others. The fault lies solely with the person in question if they are a bad person which makes this article nothing more than some bad apologism for the abusers in question. Vietnamese culture and many east asian cultures are so obsessed with appearances, that they will avoid any and all psychological help even those with high levels of education and post-doctorates and medical degrees do this despite supposedly knowing better.Īt the end of the day, the trauma is just an excuse. They are mainly obsessed with material wealth and appearances which is why they massively overreact like the mom in the article, smashing things over a perceived loss of face.Īnd even if you face trauma, the educated thing to do is to seek help. In fact, many of the vietnamese community act this way despite being barely affected by the war. I've known refugees that have undergone immense trauma but they aren't raging narcissists that ignore other people's boundaries and manipulate their kids. While there is some truth to this article, at the end of the day we're all responsible for our own actions. I think that by having and continuing a dialogue, we can continue to move forward in a way that removes guilt and shame from self-care, regardless of whether or not our parents understand that. I'll end this by sharing my gratefulness for this thread and everyone who's shared their stories and struggles on here. And I'm incredibly lucky that he identifies with and understand the unique issues that kids of APs face, as he himself is Filipino-American and has spoken openly about being estranged from his parents in the past. However, I've been working with a therapist for a few months now to help me work through these challenges. And although I'm not physically and emotionally abusive, I do yell way more than I should. I have a hard time processing my thoughts and emotions without jumping to worst-case and unrealistic conclusions. I don't say all this to excuse her behavior and issues, but I think now that we're adults, we have the ability to look back and ask ourselves what we can take away, what we can apply, and what we can do to continue working on personal betterment, especially once we become parents.

Intergenerational trauma vietnamese plus#

All these things, plus moving to a new country only to experience poverty and racism, takes a huge toll on one's psyche, and as the article says, can have adverse effects on your psyche and even your DNA makeup. Not long afterward, she was pressured into a marriage that she didn't really want. My mom suffered a lot of loss and witnessed destruction and other horrific events during wartime in VN. I feel like this type of behavior, while manipulative and even cruel, does stem from all the trauma that comes with war or similar conflicts. And I would hate it and myself if I made my kids experienced the same pain I felt, not knowing whether my mom was going to live or not because of something I did. Even though it happened over a year ago, I think I spend almost every day thinking about that, and wondering what would have happened if she actually succeeded.

My own mom has played the suicide card since childhood, and last year, after a particularly heated argument, tried jumping onto a busy street. On this subreddit, I've seen posts about moms who threaten to die if their children don't do what they want. Something I've seen a lot on here, as well as in my own life, is our parents' threats of death and suicide during fights or tough times.

Intergenerational trauma vietnamese how to#

I agree that we have this really unique opportunity to change and improve our relationships with our own children, and perhaps even that with our parents also, by looking introspectively about how our childhoods, emotional responses, and learned behaviors shape us.Įven though my mom and I have a decent relationship now, it still hurts to think about all the destructive, unhealthy, and manipulative behavior she had because she was never taught how to properly deal with her emotions, and because she always thought (and still thinks) that mental health is a taboo subject and only applicable to the insane.

I'm a parent of small children and find myself falling into the same traps and patterns of rage that my mom, a Vietnam War refugee, would fall into (even to this day).